i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
