youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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