weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You ruined the universe
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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