I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize