Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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