my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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