things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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