So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
