btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
