loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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