I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize