I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
and you fell through a lawn chair
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
