grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
