That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
