If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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