I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
