would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I understand Curling. That high.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize