Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
