I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
