what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
