I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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