I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
