you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
