I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
