I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
