Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
