She is in my trunk
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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