We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
