I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
