They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize