this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
