it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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