just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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