Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
