it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
