I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
