How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
