Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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