Your mouth is God's brothel.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
