I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize