Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
