you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I believe in your delicious
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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