I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
