Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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