Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
