you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will be naked everywhere
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
