There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
