What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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