and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize