I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
