I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
