I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
