I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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