it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I skipped work to stalk him.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
