Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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