I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
