Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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