Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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