Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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