I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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