I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
