shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
