I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
