it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
