ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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