I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish i was in the wii world.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
