i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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