Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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