ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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