can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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