i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
