i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
