Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
