my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize