New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
