It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
