im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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