It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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