just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
