I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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