How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
