shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
