Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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